Upper Middle Class Problems: A Comedic Poem

As you know, a new school year is upon us. For me, that brings new challenges, including a required poetry workshop class. But of course, I would mess up the first day's assignment, which I thought entailed me sharing my favorite poem I've written so far with the class. So I ended up pulling out this ditty I wrote last year and tweaking it instead of sharing one of my actual favorite poems from another author, as the teacher intended. 

Funnily enough, this is definitely one of my favorite poems I've written; it was very much inspired by one of my favorite poets, Ogden Nash, and it's lightheartedly satirical. In my opinion, it even resembles something Hannah Horvath would probably write in her MFA classes on Girls. Not necessarily saying that's a good thing, but at any rate, I hope it makes you laugh on this fine Thursday morning:

Upper Middle Class Problems: A Comedic Poem 
by Alana Pedalino

Does Jenna Lyons fart?

I really wish I knew.

Then I wouldn’t feel so ashamed

About tooting in J. Crew

I didn’t mean to do it,

But I ate Chipotle for lunch.

Their guac always does me in…

I should’ve settled for a healthy brunch!

I can see the sales clerk staring at me,

Her eyes burning into my soul.

“Oh, like she’s never burped in Anthropologie,”

I think, wanting to stop, drop, and roll.

Though I’m not done shopping yet,

I start backing out of the store.

Gap’s running a sale across the way

I notice, scurrying through the door. 

~A

P.S. This is a work of fiction. I don't even like Chipotle. Virali can vouch for this.